One of the 5 Relationship Wrecking Mistakes
is Fixing,
Fighting
and Fleeing.
Take this quick test to find out if
you're a 'Fixer'
-- and what to do about it!
Jot down your answers on a sheet of paper, total
them according to the instructions at the end of
the test. Then find out how much of a
fixer your are.
1. When I ask my
partner to do something, I feel like I can count on him/
her to do it right without me telling them how to do it.
A. Mostly False B. Sometimes
True C. Mostly True
2. My partner
uses common sense about making financial and career
decisions.
A. Mostly False B. Sometimes
True C. Mostly True
3. If my partner
is unhappy with his/her life, it’s only because he/ she
isn’t thinking of it in the right way.
A. Mostly False B. Sometimes
True C. Mostly True
4. If my partner
did things my way and listened to my advice their life
would be better.
A. Mostly False B. Sometimes
True C. Mostly True
5. It is better
for the relationship to allow my partner to remain
ignorant about something than to offend him/ her by
offering help.
A. Mostly False B. Sometimes
True C. Mostly True
6. When my
partner complains to me about something in his/ her
life, I like to offer advice to help them solve their
problem.
A. Mostly False B. Sometimes
True C. Mostly True
7. If I leave my
partner alone to figure out a problem situation, instead
of coming to their aide, he /she will generally figure
things out by him/ herself in a way that I won’t regret
later.
A. Mostly False B. Sometimes
True C. Mostly True
8. When my
partner makes a big mistake, I feel frustrated,
disappointed and embarrassed.
A. Mostly False B. Sometimes
True C. Mostly True
9. It is more
important to me to get things done right than to worry
about hurting my partner’s feelings.
A. Mostly False B. Sometimes
True C. Mostly True
Scoring:
Give yourself a 0
for every A, 1 point for every B, and 2 points for
every C.
Your Total
Score ______
If you scored
between 0 and 6 -- You aren’t a fixer at all. In
fact, you probably feel very un-empowered when it comes
to influencing your partner. You may wish to learn the
communication skills that will help you to be better
able to communicate your desires to your partne
If you scored
between 6 and 12 -- You are a pleasant fixer. You
help out your partner, but you know when to hold your
tongue. Sometimes you ask if the person would like some
advice before offering it to them.
If you scored
between 12 and 18 – Look Out! You’re a Fixer! You
may be causing your partner some distress with your need
to be fixing them.
Start wearing a
rubber band on your wrist and every time you become
aware that you’re fixing your partner, give yourself a
snap. It doesn’t hurt much, but it’s the act of
actually snapping the band that will bring the behavior
to the front of your consciousness so that you can
change it.
Now this doesn’t
mean that you can’t ask a person if they’d like some
advice! If they’d like to hear what you’re offering,
fire away
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